How Was Your Weekend?

I'm home from the weekend with my in-laws. You know, I wasn't particularly dreading going all too much but it did prove to be disastrous anyway. It started with three wide-awake children who had slept most of the drive there like I knew they would. I managed to say pretty much everything the wrong way, which led to some criticism about me not having a good relationship with my parents. Mind you, my in-laws know plenty about my family so I was biting back saying something like "Really, YOU wouldn't want to associate with my parents, but you expect me to allow my children around them?" I didn't because I knew what the answer would be. "They're faaaaaammmmmiiiilllllllyyyyyyyyy." I forget that I am one of those rare breeds (AKA bitch/bad daughter/anti-social, take your pick) that doesn't think family's behavior should be ignored just because they share some DNA. I hold family to a higher standard than I do friends, if you treat me like crap I don't give you a big hug and kiss and invite you for dinner at my house next week.

The weekend also confirmed that this blog has already been discovered by certain nosy people who like to gossip. You know who you are because you're the one who doesn't consider it gossip to go call your family and tell them what I've said. If you think I care you're in for a big surprise.

Saturday was a nice day until dinner. There was some indecision about where to eat plus three irritable children who hadn't napped. After dinner the night got about 100 times worse when I asked my husband if I could see his phone to look at pictures taken earlier in the day. Details aside I learned that I'm too old and fat to be what turns my husband on these days. I've never felt old, never thought I'd feel old until age was accompanied with deep wrinkles, white hair, great-grandchildren and failing organs. In any case I would have expected it to be another 15 years at least before I felt like my husband wanted to trade me in for a younger, thinner model. I haven't sorted through all of that yet, I think my primary emotions are disappointment and embarrassment.

Being the good whatever it is that I am, I stayed, didn't make a scene (but did notice the double standard that it is okay for my husband to be on his iPhone half asleep on his parent's sofa but it is rude for me to do the same) I sat there trying to hold it together on my in-laws sofa while my husband was hiding and deleting things off his phone. I kept my temper in check when my in-laws started the attack on why my children don't behave the way they should and go to bed when they're told. I don't have them on good schedules, I give them too much sugar, my mother-in-law's kids never were like that...I tuned out the rest and focused on my phone. My father-in-law asked me if I was on Facebook, and remembering his hatred for me plus social media I said "Something like that."

I even went to church with everyone in the morning. I didn't burst into flames when I stepped through the doors like I think one or two people may have hoped. I laughed in my head at a few little things here and there and did my lip service. The sermon was basically that if bad things happen in your life you should be questioning whether or not you were ever really saved. I disagree, naturally. Shit happens because that is just the way it is.  I marveled that people actually buy into some of the dogma I was hearing. The preacher stressed that people out of God's will are convicted and guilty because they are out of God's will. It was a scriptural, fancy way of saying if you're a heathen you are going to be judged by your Christian family and friends. No surprise there. The scripture came up that mentions an "unequally yoked" marriage and I about laughed out loud. I wondered for a minute if my in-laws asked the pastor to mention that one. But they needn't fear, because the preacher said that because one spouse was a believer the children would be okay. The rest of the sermon continued with the theme of backsliders, non-believers only experience surface happiness and he never answered his own question, "Doesn't God want me to be happy?" Believers want to follow God's will because the bible promises a lack of reward in heaven if they don't. *sigh*

At lunch my father-in-law asked my husband what he thought of the service. He mentioned something about the uncomfortable slanted floors and theater style seating rather than saying what he said to me in the car when discussing atheism, agnosticism and deism. My opinion wasn't asked for a reason. (Besides that the woman isn't the spiritual head of the family and has no say, I mean.)

So, now we're home. My house is a disaster. I woke up sick today and my kids quickly took advantage by trashing the place like they always do. When husband is home I am locking myself in my bedroom.